You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
