and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
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