Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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