i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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