So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
