That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
This couple is walking their pig around campus
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
