so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
