apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Bring me that man meat
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
