We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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