You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
