Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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