she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
