We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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