Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
