We got so high we made milksteak
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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