dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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