Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
