Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
