The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
