haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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