Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
