This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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