I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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