I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
