I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
