you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
