I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
