Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
