He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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