Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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