I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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