also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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