I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
