Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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