Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
