I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
