Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
