What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
