life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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