is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
