Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
