This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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