There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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