I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
