I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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