My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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