you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize