if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
