I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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