She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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