I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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