everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I need to calm my uterus...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
