took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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