Ambien. No doubt about it.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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