my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
