My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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