I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
