we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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