I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize