WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He has the fingertips of a God
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
