Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
