Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
