Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
